It isn’t all About Sex: How to Build Intimacy in Your Relationship

It Isn’t All About Sex: How to Build Intimacy in Your Relationship

We often get caught up in thinking that intimacy is all about sex. There's this idea that we should be doing more, should be more intimate, and sometimes, we even feel guilty if we aren't having enough sex. But here’s the deal—intimacy is so much more than just sex. It's about connection, trust, and understanding, and there are so many ways to foster that without needing to be naked. So, let’s hit pause, throw the pressure out the window, and explore other intimate ways to connect with your partner.

Here are 17 creative and meaningful ways to build intimacy that don’t involve the bedroom:

1. Cuddling

Who says cuddling needs to lead to sex? Snuggling up together without the pressure of anything physical can be incredibly intimate. Just the simple act of being close and feeling each other’s warmth is a powerful way to nurture your bond.

2. Share the Best and Worst Parts of Your Week

Opening up about your highs and lows builds emotional intimacy. Sharing those vulnerable moments, whether you're laughing or crying, helps you stay connected and show your partner that you trust them.

3. That “Look”

Sometimes, all it takes is a look. The kind of eye contact that speaks volumes without saying a word. Whether you’re watching a movie or sharing a quiet moment, that unspoken connection can be a huge part of your intimacy. Try to tune into and notice when that happens. Write it down in your notes in your phone to smile about later.

4. Read a Book or Poem Together

Pick out a book from the library, or read a favourite poem before bed. Take turns reading out loud to each other. It’s a soothing way to wind down and share a moment together that doesn’t require touching.

5. Inside Jokes

Having a private world with your partner is a big part of feeling connected. Inside jokes are special moments that belong to only you two, and they can bring you closer in a way that’s light and fun.

6. Pillow Fight

Let’s be honest— pillow fights are hilarious and fun! So, channel your inner kid and have a playful, no-pressure pillow fight. It’s a great way to break the routine and just let loose together.

7. Hold Hands

Don’t underestimate the power of holding hands. Whether you’re taking a walk, sitting together at a movie, or just chilling at home, the simple gesture of holding hands can be a surprisingly intimate way to connect.

8. Bubble Bath Together

Create a mini spa day! Light some candles, put on music, and run a bath together—no sex required. Sometimes, just relaxing together and unwinding can feel deeply intimate, even if you’re in your bathing suits.

9. Back Rubs

Gentle touch is often underrated. Giving each other a back rub or even just drawing on each other’s back and guessing what they drew is a sweet and intimate way to relax together.

10. Laugh Together

Laughter truly is one of the best ways to bond with someone. Share a funny video, tell silly jokes, or even just laugh at how ridiculous the pillow fight was, whatever makes you giggle, do it together!

11. Try Something New Together

Building memories through new experiences strengthens the connection between you. Whether it’s trying a new hobby, a weird food, or even an activity neither of you has done before, stepping outside your comfort zone as a team fosters intimacy.

12. Have a Date Without Phones

Try a phone-free date night where you leave the tech at home. The uninterrupted quality time allows for deeper conversation and connection without the distractions of notifications and social media.

13. Grab Each Other’s Butt (Or Arm)

Yes, you read that right! A spontaneous touch—whether it’s a playful grab on the butt, a gentle hand on their arm, or a loving squeeze—can be a surprisingly intimate way to show affection without saying a word.

14. Hot Tub or Sauna Time

Bonding in a hot tub or sauna creates a relaxed, intimate setting where you can talk, laugh, or just enjoy each other’s company. The heat and sweat can even feel therapeutic, strengthening your connection in an unexpected way.

15. Build a Blanket Fort

Bring out your inner child and build a cozy blanket fort in the living room. Add some lights and snacks, lie down together, and talk about your future dreams or revisit favorite memories. It’s all about feeling close and creating something special together.

16. Reminisce About How You First Met

There’s something magic about remembering your first date and the butterflies you felt. Revisit those first impressions and funny moments and talking about how you met reminds you of the spark that started it all.

17. Celebrate Your Wins Together

Intimacy grows when you celebrate each other’s achievements. Whether it’s a promotion at work or a personal milestone, take time to acknowledge and celebrate your wins, big or small. Maybe even create special rituals for moments of achievement, like treating yourselves to a cinnamon bun after a big presentation.

What Are Your Favorite Ways to Connect?

Now that you have some fun and thoughtful ideas, what are your favourite ways to build intimacy in your relationship? Remember, intimacy is about quality over quantity, and it’s about the little moments that make you feel seen, heard, and loved.

If you want to build more moments as a couple, book a relationship session to learn even more strategies for building connection together. And sign up for the free Luma Letter for exclusive tips and intimacy building ideas!