Anxiously Attached and Low-Key Obsessed? Let’s Fix It
How to Stop Spiraling and Start Moving Toward Secure Attachment
Let’s talk about anxious attachment—because no, you're not crazy, you're dysregulated. The real danger here? It’s not your crush ghosting you because you said the wrong thing. It’s not you texting five times in a row (okay, maybe a little). It’s your nervous system sounding the alarm like it’s the end of the world… over a delayed text. Anxious attachment is when closeness feels like a rollercoaster and every pause or pullback feels like danger
Here’s the deal: Anxious attachment isn’t just about relationships. It’s about what happens inside you when connection feels unstable. That ping of panic? That ache in your chest when someone pulls away? That’s not love. That’s your nervous system freaking out like it’s been abandoned in a jungle with no Wi-Fi or snacks.
Don’t worry, you’re not alone in these feelings and there’s ways through it. Here's how we start healing anxious attachment pattern and step into secure, magnetic, main-character energy:
1. Look After Your Own Emotions First (a.k.a. You’re a Self-Regulated Queen)
Before you can build secure attachment with anyone else, you have to start start with you. If you don’t know what you need emotionally, how will anyone else? This is where healing anxious attachment truly begins — by learning to regulate your nervous system and tend to your own feelings first.
Start exploring your emotional blueprint:
✨ What actually soothes you when you're anxious, sad, or spinning out?
✨ What helps you come back to center when you're feeling triggered, lonely, or overwhelmed?
Is it calling a friend, journaling it out, taking a rage walk, or booking a therapy session? Learn your personal toolkit and use it. Because here’s the truth: When you know how to emotionally regulate without chasing external validation, you become magnetic, grounded, and very attractive.
Healing anxious attachment isn't about being less emotional — it's about learning how to care for your emotions like the powerful, emotionally intelligent baddie you are.
2. You’re Not Too Much—They’re Just Not Enough
Let’s get one thing straight: You are not “too much.” You’re not too emotional, too sensitive, too intense, too sexual, too anything. You’ve just been offering your energy to people who didn’t have the capacity, clarity, or courage to receive it. And that’s on them, not you.
This is a core wound for many with anxious attachment. It’s the belief that you have to shrink, soften, or silence yourself to be lovable. But you don’t need to earn love. You already are lovable. Full stop.
Instead of spiraling into self-doubt, anchor into a mantra that reminds you of your worth:
✨ I’m fricken amazing
✨ Anyone would be lucky to be with me
✨ My presence is a gift
✨ the universe is protecting me
And if you’re ready to step into that energy more fully? 💖
Grab your free Mini Confidence Workbook—designed to help you build inner validation, ditch self-doubt and start showing up like your best self.
When you own your weird, wild, magical self, you stop chasing people who don't see you and start attracting those who are actually a match for your energy. That’s the shift. That’s where secure attachment starts.
So stop dimming your light.
“You don’t need to earn love. You already are lovable.”
3. Know Who You Are—and What You’re Worth
You don’t need to perform to be loved. You don’t need to earn someone’s affection by overgiving, shape-shifting, or being “low maintenance.” That’s not love, that’s survival mode, and it’s a hallmark of anxious attachment.
When you constantly adjust yourself to meet someone else’s needs or desires, you lose touch with your identity, your passions, your preferences, and your joy. And spoiler: The people who are truly right for you? They’re not looking for a watered-down version of you. They’re looking for someone real.
Healing anxious attachment starts with self-worth. You’re already whole. You’re already enough. You’re not here to audition for love — you’re here to receive it as your full, authentic self.
So keep doing the things that light you up:
🎨 Wear your bold lipstick.
🎧 Play your weird playlists.
💃 Dance to your favourite songs or curl up with that spicy novel.
That’s the energy that makes you magnetic.
And let’s be honest, if someone ditched everything they loved just to orbit around you, would you even respect it? Probably not. Real attraction comes from grounded individuality.
💬 “Being yourself isn’t a risk, it’s the whole damn point.”
If you’re wondering where to start check out this blogpost: Romance Yourself: Stop Waiting, Start Living—a blog all about building self-trust, confidence, and making your own life feel like magic. Bonus: It’s packed with fun, feel-good solo date ideas that actually boost your confidence.
4. Teach People How to Treat You (A.K.A. The Blueprint)
Whether you realize it or not, you are always teaching people how to treat you. Every time you drop your plans the second they text “what you up to?”, you’re sending a silent message:
My time is flexible. My priorities can wait. I’ll rearrange my life for crumbs of attention.
But you’re not a maybe. You’re not a backup plan. And your life is not a side quest.
This is where setting healthy boundaries in relationships becomes everything. Not as punishment, but as instruction. Boundaries are how you show people what you expect, what you allow, and what you won’t tolerate.
So here’s the vibe:
🧘🏾♀️ Keep your rituals — don’t cancel yoga or journaling to chase a new crush.
💄 Keep your girls’ night — your friendships are part of your glow.
🔥 Keep your passions — they make you magnetic and interesting.
When you hold your shape, you stay in your power. You stop molding to fit into someone else’s life, and instead invite them into yours.
💬 “Boundaries aren’t walls — they’re the velvet rope to the VIP version of you.”
✨ Ready to work on boundaries that feel good and stick? Let’s talk. Book a session and start building a life that feels aligned, grounded, and fully yours.
You want someone who respects your schedule, your space, and your standards. That only happens when you respect them first.
5. Slow Your Roll: Let Things Unfold (Because Real Connection Takes Time)
Here’s the deal: If you have an anxious attachment style, early dating can feel like an emotional rollercoaster. One sweet text and you're fantasizing about matching Christmas pajamas. One slow reply and you're spiraling, convinced they’ve lost interest.
But real connection — the kind that leads to secure, healthy relationships — takes time. The first 1–3 months of dating? That’s the interview phase. Everyone’s on their best behaviour, showing off their highlight reel. You don’t know them yet, you just know the best version of them (that’s not always maintainable long-term).
So instead of jumping to conclusions or fast-forwarding to the honeymoon phase, slow your roll. Let curiosity replace anxiety. Let consistency reveal compatibility. Let things unfold naturally, without rushing to define it or decode every message.
Because the truth is, people show who they really are over time:
🧃 At first? They’re offering morning smoothies and good morning texts.
🩴 A few months in? You might be wondering if they actually listen when you speak and think Febreze counts as cleaning.
That’s when you get to decide if they still align with your vision of love. It doesn’t have to be perfect but it has to be respectful, caring, and someone you still like.
Rushing intimacy doesn’t create safety it creates fantasy. And fantasy is fun until it crashes into reality.
💬 “Anxious attachment says rush. Secure attachment says observe.”
If you want a relationship that lasts, let it breathe. Give yourself time to build the foundation. Your power is in your ability to receive, assess, and respond — not chase, force, or prove.
Final Thoughts: Healing Anxious Attachment Is Possible — And Totally Worth It
The good news? All of this is workable. Healing anxious attachment doesn’t happen overnight, but it does happen, with awareness, intention, and the right support. So don’t beat yourself up for where you are. You’re not broken—you’re just learning to feel safe in your own skin. You’re here for a reason. And this work? It’s worth it.
Remember, this work is about more than just relationships — it’s about transforming your relationship with yourself. When you master your emotions, set boundaries, and show up as your authentic, magnetic self, you stop spiraling and start thriving.
💬 Ready to stop spiralling and start healing your anxious attachment? Book a therapy session and let’s get you secure, regulated, and completely in your power.
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