You’re Not Broken: Healing, Trust, and Dating After Narcissistic Abuse

Sep 29

Cozy scene with a comfortable chair draped in a soft blanket, a steaming cup of tea on a nearby table, and a magazine titled “Nourish,” evoking warmth, self-care, and relaxation.

If you've ever felt like you're too much, not enough, or constantly second-guessing yourself, you’re not alone.

Let’s be real: Healing from narcissistic abuse isn’t just about “thinking positively” or “letting it go”, it’s deep, hard and emotional work. Feelings and thoughts can creep up when we least expect it or at different seasons in our lives. If you’ve been through it—whether it was a toxic partner, parent, friend, or even a boss—you know that kind of trauma lingers in the body, the mind, and the heart.

So how do you start to trust again after that kind of betrayal? How do you feel safe in your own skin, in your relationships, and in your decisions? It’s not easy. But it is possible.

In this post, I’m breaking down what narcissistic abuse really is, how it impacts your nervous system, and real, sustainable strategies for healing. Whether you're single, dating, or in a relationship post-narcissistic abuse, this is your permission slip to take things slow, nurture your inner self, and get the support you deserve.

💡 What You’ll Learn in This Blogpost

✔️ What narcissistic abuse really is (and what it’s not)
✔️ How it impacts your nervous system and sense of safety
✔️ Why trusting others (and yourself) can feel impossible afterward
✔️ 5 gentle, therapist-backed strategies to start healing
✔️ Empowering resources to help you feel grounded, safe, and be your magnetic self again

What Is Narcissistic Abuse?

Narcissistic abuse is a form of emotional and psychological manipulation used by individuals with narcissistic traits or Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). It often includes gaslighting, love bombing, blame-shifting, emotional invalidation, and cycles of idealization and devaluation (definitions of these are in the next section!)

Over time, these things impact your sense of reality, self-worth, and trust in your own intuition.

People who experience narcissistic abuse may find themselves:

Doubting their memory or perception (“Was it really that bad?”)
Walking on eggshells
Blaming themselves constantly
Feeling guilty for having needs or boundaries (Or like a “bad” person for saying their needs)
Struggling to trust others—even after the relationship ends

The hard part is that this person could be someone you love, it could be a parent who you spent years livings with under this immense pressure to please them. It could be a romantic relationship you just ended and are having mixed feelings about what you actually went through.

It can be hard not only navigating your relationship with them —if you still choose or need to have them in your life— but the feelings can creep up in new or healthy relationships as well because your nervous system learned a certain way of doing things to protect you.

It’s important to come at this with gentle self-compassion. You may be on the path to unlearn old ways of doing things, grieve the relationship that you wanted with someone who wasn’t able to give that to you, and learn how to be gentle with yourself and learn new ways to process and communicate.

Key Terms in Narcissistic Abuse Recovery

Understanding the language of narcissistic abuse is helpful to healing and recognizing harmful behaviours. Here are a few key terms:

Gaslighting: A psychological manipulation tactic where the abuser distorts facts, makes you doubt your memory, perception, or reality. They might deny things they said or did, making you question your own sanity. The goal is to make you feel uncertain and confused.

Love Bombing: The initial phase of a narcissistic relationship where the abuser showers you with excessive affection, attention, and flattery. This is meant to overwhelm you emotionally and make you feel like you've found your "perfect" match—only for it to turn manipulative when the love bombing fades. Love bombing can happen again later, to draw you back in, once you start withdrawing from the person.

Blame-Shifting: A tactic used by narcissists to avoid accountability by shifting the blame onto you. They may refuse to accept responsibility for their actions, even if they’ve hurt you, and make you feel like everything is your fault.

Emotional Invalidation: This occurs when your feelings, thoughts, or experiences are dismissed or belittled by the narcissist. They may tell you that you’re “overreacting” or that your emotions aren’t justified, which erodes your sense of self-worth and emotional stability.

Idealization and Devaluation: Narcissists often go through cycles of idealizing you—making you feel special and admired—and then devaluing you, making you feel worthless or invisible. This back-and-forth creates confusion, and you may feel like you're constantly walking a tightrope, never knowing where you stand.

Why New Relationships Feel So Hard After Narcissistic Abuse

After narcissistic abuse, your nervous system may still be in survival mode. That means even in safe, healthy situations, your body might be on high alert—expecting the other shoe to drop.

You might find yourself:

Overanalyzing texts or body language
Feeling anxious when someone is being too nice (because love bombing felt similar)
Sabotaging closeness out of fear
Avoiding intimacy altogether
Feeling intense distress during conflict, or like something is a level 10 threat when it isn’t

This is not your fault. It’s your nervous system trying to protect you. And the good news is that you’re not alone in these feelings and there are strategies to navigate through them.

5 Gentle Strategies to Heal After Narcissistic Abuse

1. Take It Slow

You don’t need to rush into another relationship—or rush healing. There is no timeline for recovery. Going slow allows your nervous system to relearn what safety, trust, and genuine connection feel like.

2. Talk to Someone You Trust

Whether it's a trauma-informed therapist (👋 hi, I do this work!) or a close friend who gets it, you need safe spaces where you're not gaslit, judged, or told to “just get over it.” Validation is medicine.

3. Learn About Narcissistic Abuse: Empower Yourself

Understanding the patterns of narcissistic abuse helps you make sense of what happened. You realize: It wasn’t your fault. Knowledge is part of reclaiming your power. Here are some Key Resources for Navigating Life After Narcissistic Abuse:

✨ How Narcissistic Relationships Rewire You – Dr. Ramani (Video)

In this powerful video, Dr. Ramani explains how narcissistic relationships can rewire your brain, impacting your emotional responses and perceptions. She discusses the psychological and physiological effects of narcissistic abuse and how it changes the way you see yourself and others. Dr. Ramani provides key insights on how to recognize these shifts and offers practical advice for healing and reclaiming your emotional resilience.

✨How to Think About Your Narcissistic Parent – Dr. Ramani (Video)

Dr. Ramani’s video delves into the complexities of dealing with a narcissistic parent. She offers a clear and compassionate guide on how to mentally navigate these relationships, understand the narcissistic personality, and develop healthier ways of thinking about your parent. This video helps viewers break free from guilt and confusion, giving them the tools to set boundaries and learn to navigate these feelings.

✨Children of the Self-Absorbed: A Grown-Up's Guide to Getting Over Narcissistic Parents by Nina Brown

This book offers a deep dive into the effects of growing up with narcissistic parents and provides practical tools for healing. It explores the emotional damage caused by narcissistic parents and guides readers through the process of setting boundaries, overcoming guilt, and reclaiming their self-worth. It’s a must-read for anyone looking to understand the long-term impact of narcissistic parenting and how to break free from its grip.

4. Build Self-Compassion

Self-compassion is the antidote to the internalized shame and self-doubt that narcissistic abuse leaves behind. I love the work of researcher Kristin Neff, who outlines three key components of self-compassion:

Mindfulness (acknowledging your pain without getting lost in it)
Self-kindness (talking to yourself like you would a friend)
Common humanity (remembering you're not alone)

Healing happens when we turn inward with tenderness—not judgment. Check out her video here: Three Components of Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff.

5. Reconnect With Your Magnetic Self

Narcissistic abuse disconnects you from your intuition and inner magic. Part of healing is remembering who you were before the gaslighting, the self-doubt, and the constant anxiety. Or who you will be without it. It’s about honouring your desires, boundaries, and needs without apology. Need some ideas to get started?

Check Out These Blogposts:

☀️How to Romance Yourself: Stop Waiting and Start Living

🔥How to Own Your Confidence and Feel Sexy

Ready to Heal & Trust Again?

If you’re navigating life or relationships after narcissistic abuse, you don’t have to do it alone. I specialize in helping people like you rebuild trust in yourself, untangle trauma responses, and create the kind of love (and life) that feels safe and empowering.

🧠 You can rewire your nervous system.
💖 You can feel confident and grounded again.
🔥 And you can absolutely reclaim your spicy, magnetic, whole self.