8 Ways to Own Your Confidence and Feel Sexy: No Apologies Needed

Sexy confidence isn’t just for movie scenes or Instagram baddies—it’s for you, right now, exactly as you are.

Whether you're in sweatpants or lingerie, this is your reminder that you don’t need permission to feel yourself. Building sexual confidence isn’t about being perfect—it’s about showing up, turning up the volume on your own energy, and owning your vibe without apology.

These 8 therapist tips will help you build sexual confidence and own your power—your way. They’re here to help you tap into that magnetic, “Yes I am that baddie” energy. No shame. No pressure. Just you, feeling sexy AF in whatever way feels right.

Let’s dive in.

1. Dress Like the Confident, Sexy Boss You Are

In the next week, pick an outfit that makes you feel unstoppable and fully empowered. Dress like you’re about to meet the best version of yourself—someone bold, confident, and totally owning her power. Snap some selfies and create a photo album that celebrates this energy. Name it something fierce and fun, like “The Bad Bitch Album” or “The Monica Album.”

While you’re at it, select a couple of power mantras to keep your confidence high. Think along the lines of, “I am fire” or “Unapologetically me.” Play your ultimate badass playlist and lean into that unstoppable vibe. Your goal? When you scroll back through those photos, you want to say, “Hell yes, I am THAT girl.” Because once you start seeing yourself through a lens of owning it, everything else shifts—the way you carry yourself, your energy, and the confidence you bring into every room.

2. How to Feel Sexy: Spicy Homework for Sexual Confidence

Even if you’re not 100% feeling sexy yet, hype yourself up enough to try this confidence-boosting exercise. Play your favourite baddie songs, light some candles, treat yourself to something sensual (strawberries and chocolate, anyone?), and slip into lingerie that makes you feel like an absolute queen.

Lingerie isn’t one-size-fits-all—choose styles that truly call to you. Take photos from different angles, maybe focusing on a favorite body part or the lingerie itself. Channel your inner Burlesque baddie putting on her tights—remember, feeling sexy doesn’t have to be over-the-top or complicated.

These photos are just for you. Save them in a hidden or personal folder, and while you look at them, whisper at least one genuine compliment to yourself. You’re your own hype squad here, building self-love and sexual confidence.

If you want personalized guidance to help you step fully into this power—whether that’s unpacking confidence blocks or cultivating stronger self-love—I’m here to support you.

Book a session with me, and let’s work together to unlock your unapologetic, sexy AF confidence.

3. Making Sex More Fun: The Confidence Hack You Forgot

One of the easiest—and most overlooked—ways to boost sexual self-esteem? Have fun. Seriously. We get so caught up in how sex “should” look or feel that we forget it’s supposed to be enjoyable—not performative or pressured.

Whether you’re flying solo or with a partner, try slowing down and bringing in more play. Open your phone and start a list called “Ways to Add Fun ;)” and jot down anything that sparks curiosity or excitement. Maybe it’s experimenting with new lingerie, adding chocolate sauce, planning a cheeky public rendezvous, or role-playing a first-time meeting at a bar.

No judgment here. The goal isn’t perfection—it’s pleasure. So the next time your brain starts spiraling, repeat this:
“It’s supposed to be fun. Don’t stress—it’s not that serious.”
Sometimes, the most powerful way to build sexual confidence is to simply enjoy yourself again.

4. Mindfulness for Better Sex: Boost Confidence & Connection

Mindfulness is a total game changer for boosting sexual confidence and deepening connection—whether it’s with yourself or your partner(s). The secret? Start small with a simple grounding ritual before a date or sexual encounter.

It could be something as easy as lighting a candle or taking a deep breath in the bathroom. Pair it with a grounding mantra like:

• “I got this, I’m a bad bitch.”

• “Today, I focus on today.”

• “I am here and I am enough”

• “I am here to celebrate this moment”

The goal is to bring your attention back to the present moment—letting go of “what ifs” or past hang-ups that might be holding you back. Like any muscle, mindfulness gets stronger with practice, so you can learn to drop into that calm, confident state anytime—even in the heat of the moment.

5. The “Things I Like” List: Your Secret Weapon for Confidence and Joy

Building confidence in one area naturally spills over into others—including your sexual self-esteem. Here’s a simple but powerful exercise: Start a running list on your phone, in your journal, or wherever you like, of things you genuinely love. No judgment. Big or small. Maybe it’s “getting a chai latte,” “walking with my cat,” “sitting by the ocean,” or “breaking a personal gym record.”

The key? Add to this list every day or whenever something sparks joy. This practice rewires your brain to focus on the good stuff, boosting your mood, self-worth, and yes, your sexual confidence too. When you recognize and appreciate the little pleasures, you send a message to yourself: I’m worthy of joy, pleasure, and confidence.

Try this for a week and watch how it shifts your mindset. When you’re feeling low, scroll through your “Things I Like” list as a reminder of your vibrant, lovable self. It’s a powerful, playful tool to build self-love, and trust me—it’s addictive in the best way.

6. Getting Started with Sexting: Your Fun & Flirty Confidence Booster

Ready to spice things up and own your sexy confidence? Sexting can be an exciting, playful way to explore your sexuality and deepen connection with your partner—but let’s be real, starting can feel a little intimidating.

No worries! Here are some easy, flirty prompts to help you break the ice and find your groove:

• “I had a dream that…”

• “I can’t stop thinking about when you…”

• “I keep imagining you…”

Sexting is all about fun, consent, and feeling empowered in your own skin. There’s no “right” or “wrong” way—just your way. If you’re still feeling unsure, we dive deeper into this juicy topic in the Sand & Sensuality Workshop (plus, there’s a blog post packed with tips too). No pressure, just playful exploration.

Want more sexy confidence tips, prompts, and exclusive goodies delivered straight to your inbox? Sign up for my newsletter and get inspired to own your unapologetic, sexy AF self every month. Ready to own your sexual confidence even more? Booking a session with me can help you unlock personalized strategies to feel sexy, confident, and totally unapologetic in all areas of your intimacy.

7. The Raisin Meditation: Mindfulness to Boost Your Sensual Confidence

Ready for a simple mindfulness exercise that’s a total game-changer for your body awareness and sensual confidence? Meet The Raisin Meditation — a classic mindfulness practice with a juicy twist.

This exercise helps you slow down, tune into your senses, and relax your nervous system—perfect for grounding yourself before intimate moments or anytime you want to reconnect with your body.

Here’s how it works: slowly place a raisin in your mouth and really notice it. Feel its texture, taste the sweetness or tartness, and observe how your body responds. Maybe your mouth waters, or you notice tension melting away. If it feels tricky or awkward at first, that’s totally normal—be gentle and kind with yourself.

Mindfulness like this strengthens your ability to stay present, boost sexual confidence, and savor pleasure without judgment or distraction.

Want a little help? Check out this Guided Raisin Meditation to get started and experience the power of mindful sensuality for yourself.

8. Ditch Old Sex Myths: A Journal Guide to Empower Your Confidence

Our beliefs about sex shape how we show up in intimacy, but not all those ideas serve us. What beliefs about sex did you once hold that you no longer do? Writing about these can help you shed old stories, clear mental clutter, and make space for fresh, empowering narratives that fuel your confidence and pleasure.

Grab your journal and reflect on these prompts:

• What ideas about sex was I taught growing up that I no longer believe? Are any of those old messages still sneaking into my thoughts or behaviors?

• When I imagine my best, most confident self, what’s their vibe around sex? What empowering outfits, attitudes, or energies do they rock?

• What positive beliefs about sex am I proud to own now? How do these beliefs help me be a better friend, partner, or lover?

Take your time and write freely—there’s no right or wrong here. This is about reclaiming your story and stepping fully into your unapologetic, sexy AF self.

Ready to Build Your Sexual Confidence?

This journey isn’t about perfection. It’s about reclaiming your power, pleasure, and joy on your terms. So pick one tip, start small, and watch your confidence bloom—because you deserve to feel unstoppable.

And if you want deeper support in unlearning shame, unpacking old stories, or just having a space to explore this side of yourself safely—I got you. As a therapist who’s all in on helping people feel empowered in their bodies and relationships, I’d love to work with you.

💌 Want 1:1 support building your confidence? Book a session with me here.