How to Build Self-Compassion (Even If You're Not “Good” at It Yet)
Self-compassion isn’t always easy, but it’s so worth it.
Did you know you can actually change faster from a place of self-compassion than from self-criticism? Research shows self-compassion softens the inner critic and improves your emotional well-being. That’s where we start.
Let’s go over some playful but powerful strategies to help you show up to yourself fully — not just today, but every day.
1. Whisper Something Kind to Yourself (Yes, Right Now)
What’s one gentle thing you can say to yourself in this moment? Is it:
“I am enough.”
“I’m doing my best.”
“It’s okay to take a break.”
“I’m cute af.”
Even if you don’t feel it yet, saying it starts the healing. It’s that micro-shift that leads to magic. Affirmations and mantras are great self-care practices that boost confidence. If you’re looking for more confidence boosting strategies check out 8 Ways to Own your Confidence and Feel Sexy: No Apologies Needed.
2. Be Your Own BFF
You’re probably way nicer to your friends than you are to yourself. So next time your inner critic pops up, ask:
“What would I say to my best friend in this scenario?” ... then say it to yourself. You’re learning to be your own friend too. Think about what you would say to the little kid version of you, what does she need to hear right now?
Try taking yourself out for a date! Go to the bookstore or grab a coffee and wander around enjoying your own company. Self-compassion starts with making time for you.
Need more ideas? Don’t forget to read Romance Yourself. Stop Waiting, Start Living for even more powerful ways to enjoy your own company.
3. Break Up with “Should”
We often hear our own voice saying, “I should have done more”, which is so judgmental! Imagine if you planned an amazing birthday party for your best friend, with amazing balloons, her favourite cake, and her favourite snacks and instead of saying, “thank you this is so amazing and thoughtful” she said, “oh well you should of gotten pink balloons". You would be questioning if she was even your friend! She would more likely be thanking you, excitedly and appreciatively, for all of your effort. Now, extend that same kind of gratitude and excitement your best friend would have for you, to yourself. You deserve it to.
When “should” creeps in, pause and reframe:
Instead of: “I should have done more today,”
Say: “I listened to my body and gave myself exactly what I needed.”
Let compassion lead the internal conversation, not guilt.
4. Bonus Move: Daily Self-Friendship Practice
Daily Affirmations lead to better self-compassion. They might seem silly, but they make a big difference.
If you want to deepen this practice, try:
Self-compassion letters: Write yourself a letter as though you’re your best friend.
Mindful check-ins: Pause, notice how you're feeling, and say what you need (even if it’s just a cinnamon bun).
Treat yourself well: A warm cup of tea, a stretch break, a nourishing snack — it all counts as real care.
Ultimately, self-compassion isn’t about being perfect. It’s about learning to tend to your soul when it matters most.
Want a Guided Boost?
If you’re ready to radically reclaim your relationship with yourself, book a session with me. We’ll turn your inner critic into your biggest ally.
Need a little jumpstart? Download the free Confidence Workbook and start softening into your power today.