Feeling Guilty After Masturbation? Here’s What’s Really Going On and How to Heal
Ever found yourself asking, “Why do I feel guilty after masturbating?” or “Is it normal to feel bad after orgasm?” You're not alone, and no, nothing is wrong with you.
Many people, especially women and femmes, experience post-masturbation guilt or even sadness after orgasm. This feeling can be fleeting or persistent — and it’s more common than you think.
But where does this guilt come from, and what can we do about it?
Let’s unpack it together. 💫
Why You Might Feel Guilty After Masturbation
Masturbation is a natural, healthy way to explore your body and your desires and yet, so many of us carry shame around it. Here are some common reasons why:
1. Cultural & Religious Conditioning
Maybe you grew up in a household or community where sex — especially solo sex — was seen as taboo, sinful, or even dirty. Messages like:
“Good girls don’t touch themselves.”
“Sex is only for marriage.”
“Your body is sacred, so don’t defile it.”
“Masturbation is selfish or wrong.”
These kinds of beliefs can sink deep into your nervous system, even if, intellectually, you’ve moved past them. You might be a fully grown adult with a healthy sex drive and a progressive mindset and still feel a twinge of shame or guilt after touching yourself.
That doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means you're human and probably still carrying subconscious messages that were never yours to begin with. This conditioning doesn’t just disappear because you want it to, it takes awareness, curiosity, and compassion to begin unlearning it.
And here's the thing:
You can still honour your culture or faith and make room for your pleasure.
It doesn’t have to be either/or. Many of us are reclaiming sensuality within our spiritual lives and not in opposition to them.
2. Relationship Guilt
You might feel guilty masturbating if you’re in a relationship, wondering:
“Am I betraying my partner?”
“Shouldn’t I only want sex with them?”
The truth? Masturbation isn’t cheating. It’s a form of self-connection and can actually enhance your partnered sex life, not replace it.
Solo pleasure helps you understand what feels good, which can make partnered intimacy more connected, playful, and confident. And if you’re craving deeper erotic connection with your partner, it might be time to explore new ways of sharing desire — like sexting.
💬 Curious about how to turn up the heat in your relationship?
Check out my post: Teach Me About Sexting for tips, scripts, and how to keep it spicy and consensual from any distance. Or if you’re feeling extra spicy download the free guide Sexting Confidence Starter Pack.
3. Hormonal and Emotional Shifts
After orgasm, your body goes through a hormonal drop, especially oxytocin and dopamine. This can sometimes lead to a dip in mood or even post-orgasm dysphoria (yep, it’s a real thing). It’s not necessarily about guilt; sometimes it’s just chemistry.
🌊 The emotional wave you feel after climax isn’t a flaw — it’s part of your body’s rhythm. And just like any wave, it will pass. With gentleness, breath, and self-soothing, you can ride that low with compassion instead of shame. Your body is doing what it’s designed to do and that’s something to honour, not judge.
💗 Try this grounding practice next time:
Place one hand on your heart and the other on your belly.
Take 5 slow breaths, in through your nose and out through your mouth.
Silently repeat to yourself:
“I’m safe. My body is allowed to feel. Nothing is wrong with me.”
Sometimes all you need is a few moments of presence and kindness to reconnect with yourself. Your pleasure and emotions can coexist and both are worthy of care.
Rewriting the Shame Narrative
Here’s the good news: You can rewire these old beliefs.
You’re a radiant, magnetic human being, and your sexual desire deserves celebration and not shame. Your fantasies, kinks, and turn-ons are yours to explore. They don’t make you “bad” or “dirty.” They make you human.
🔥 Want to explore what it really means to feel in control of your desires?
Read How to Reclaim Your Sexual Agency — a loving guide to defining pleasure on your own terms.
💫 Curious about kink and sex positivity?
Check out Defining Kink & Sex Positivity: The Beginner’s Guide for a soft, judgment-free introduction to embracing what excites you.
You don’t have to keep carrying stories that were never yours to begin with.
The beliefs you inherited around sex, shame, and self-worth? You get to question them. You get to rewrite them.
Let’s flip the narrative — together:
✨ You’re not wrong for having desires.
✨ You’re not broken for fantasizing.
✨ You’re not alone in this.
What You Can Do: Actionable Steps to Work Through Masturbation Guilt
Here are some steps to start releasing the shame and reconnecting with your pleasure in an empowered way:
1. Name the Belief
Take a moment to pause and gently ask yourself (or journal):
What do I actually believe about masturbation?
Where did that belief come from?
Is that belief still true for me today?
Sometimes we carry around stories we never consciously chose. Stories passed down from family, religion, or culture. When we bring those beliefs into the light, we can begin to question them with curiosity instead of shame.
✨ Awareness is the first step to unlearning and to choosing something that feels more aligned with who you are now.
2. Bring in Self-Compassion
Try this reframe:
“I’m feeling guilt right now, but that doesn’t mean I’ve done something wrong.”
You're allowed to hold both: the guilt and the desire to feel differently.
3. Practice Affirmations
Say them out loud. Write them down. Repeat them when the guilt creeps in:
“My pleasure is sacred and safe.”
“I’m allowed to enjoy my body.”
“Desire doesn’t make me dirty — it makes me alive.”
4. Make Pleasure Rituals Sacred
Instead of treating masturbation like a secret or something to “get over with,” turn it into a self-love ritual, one that celebrates your body and desire.
Set the mood with candles, music, or a sensual book.
Use lube, toys, or erotic audio that excites you.
Connect to your breath and body.
The more you treat self-pleasure with intention, the more permission your body and brain feel to fully enjoy it.
And if feeling sexy doesn’t come naturally just yet? That’s okay — confidence is something you can grow into and build.
💃🏽 8 Ways to Own Your Confidence and Feel Sexy: No Apologies Needed offers simple, powerful ways to reconnect with your sensuality, drop the shame, and start showing up like the magnetic human you already are.
5. Talk About It (If You Feel Safe)
Whether it’s with a therapist, a trusted friend, or a supportive partner, talking about your feelings can be incredibly healing. You're not the only one navigating shame, confusion, or emotional complexity around self-pleasure.
And if you’re already in therapy? This is absolutely something worth bringing into the room.
✨ If this resonates and you’re ready to go deeper in a safe, nonjudgmental space, I’d love to support you. Book a session with me here, and let’s gently untangle the shame, reconnect to your body, and rewrite your pleasure story together.
🌟 Final Thoughts: Your Desire Is Not a Problem
You deserve to feel free in your body. Pleasure is part of being human and feeling shame around it doesn’t mean you’re broken.
Let’s normalize self-connection without guilt, desire without shame, and eroticism without fear. Healing is possible — and you don’t have to do it alone.
You’re safe here 🔥
This is a space where you get to bring your whole self — desire, shame, curiosity, confidence — and be met with compassion.
💌 Want support on your healing journey?
Book a 1:1 therapy session with me. Together, we’ll explore what’s coming up for you with warmth, curiosity, and zero judgment.
✨ Plus, grab your free Confidence Workbook.
Join the Luma Letter and get tools, journal prompts, and soulful reminders that your desires are nothing to be ashamed of, they’re part of your power.